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PR Grouch: Eat, drink and be miserable

9th December 2015


If I believed in making resolutions, then this time next year I could be healthier, happier and richer and have a better PR job. But I will aim for fatter, sadder and poorer, for mainly one reason: I work in PR.
It will be so hard to make a living that there will be no time to exercise and there’s sod-all chance of getting richer. I suppose I could eat less crap, but comfort eating is the only thing that will get me through the next depressing year. I might cut down on the cigarettes’  though, I do hate giving so much money to tobacco companies (and the government).

Some fools out there will be looking forward to the new year, but let’s face it, such optimists are deluded. Just listen to the news! It is clear that things are bad and they are only going to get worse. But here are my suggestions for resolutions you can make to improve your lot:

  1. Drink more. This has two benefits, it helps to numb the pain and you are so funny and charming when you’re drunk. Well, I am.
  2. Smoke more, eat rubbish, stop exercising and never take aspirin. Otherwise you could live to a ripe old age, and what’s the point of that? It’s never going to get better you know.
  3.  Every day do something mean. I tried doing a kind deed a day (for two whole days) and no good came of it. At least if you’re mean you’ll save money.
  4. Bitch about your friends. This isn’t just for the fun of it, it is reassuring to know there are worse people out there than you. Obviously you’ll have to do this behind their backs, you don’t want to lose your mates, or you’ll have no one left to moan to.
  5.  Never count your blessings. You don’t want to remind yourself about how little you have

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